i will get where i am going, walking in my own power. one foot in front of the other, i will reach my destination.
today i speak in metaphor. for those just now tuning in, i am currently building my business from scratch. i come from a long line of strong but financially challenged women, generational poverty. i am a life coach, and i follow a lot of other life coaches that are further along in their journey, and i am growing ever more frustrated with a lot of the advice i see from them. “we all have the same opportunities” “don’t let your backstory become a victim mentality” “your life experience is your special sauce and people pay a lot of money for that”
let me offer this: we all have access to the same freeways. there are maps. exits. roadsigns.
driving is a whole lot fucking faster. and highways aren’t meant for pedestrians— often, there aren’t even sidewalks or footpaths to even accommodate the idea of people making the journey by foot.
you can see a whole lot in a little bit of time, glimpse by glimpse, going at 60 miles an hour.
but you can see a lot more when you go slower. you can get close enough to things like the flush of mushrooms growing just beyond the tree-line, to see what they really are. you get way more chances to see the beautiful details in things when you’re going slow.
you also must prepare for a lot more ahead of time. when the downpour comes, and it will, the pedestrian hopefully remembered to carry an umbrella, rain boots, a raincoat… in their pack, on their person. among all the other things they need to bring to prepare for situations.
the travelers-by-car can just stay in the car.
or if they need to leave that haven, that umbrella is probably in the trunk or stuffed between the seats or something. easily accessible, but not in a way that’s going to slow them down or be a hindrance or bother in any way.
of course, traveling by car has its own set of complications, completely different from the troubles that the walking folks have. they’re contained, too, in a way that pedestrians will really only see for a split second as the cars go by.
the vehicles need oil, gasoline, air in the tires, regular maintenance. it is not a carefree ordeal. there is still active labor that goes into this journey for them, too.
but also, there is power. so much power.
there are interstates that go on and on, for hundreds of miles, without so much as a bike path along them. highways are meant to be exclusively for vehicles and a pedestrian would have their intelligence questioned from all angles should they choose to travel that way. (even though there are laws meant to protect us.)
but still, drivers will still see their path as simple and straightforward, that anyone can do it. because most of the time, pedestrians aren’t even part of the equation. they are not at all considered, not thought about even once, and it is normally not even malicious. it’s just a thing.
where i live, there is one specific man that walks about ten miles down highway 441, between the main city in the county, and the small town where we live. it’s 5 lanes across. there are no sidewalks, the shoulders are low and soft, cars are flying by at 60-70 miles an hour. but he’s been doing this since i was a teenager, at least. as long as i can remember.
he’s always wearing headphones. when you see him, you can see he’s walking to a beat. my dad calls him Bebop because of that, because we’ve never actually met him, only seen him as we drove by.
i’ve always found him fascinating. i bet he sees our area a lot differently than everyone else. i bet he has a whole set of things he appreciates that i’ve never even considered because i’ve never seen this place the way he has.
and when i notice him, i pray for his safety.
if someone in a car were careless, not paying attention, he could be grievously injured or killed. someone in a car could be innocently answering their phone and get off course for a split second and he’d be done.
or if someone in a car were to be angry with him.. same deal.
what if he were to get angry with someone in a car? there is not much harm he could actually do unless the driver got out, you know? i get an image in my head of someone in a car letting off their brakes while he’s in a crosswalk and bumping into his leg. even if he were to haul off and kick in that vehicles hood, that is in NO WAY comparable to the damage that same vehicle could do to him with little-to-no input by its operator.
and that power differential, i fear, is not something most drivers truly appreciate. even in parking lots and crosswalks, where humans walking should be expected, you get drivers honking at them. edging forward slowly. hollering things like “knees to chest!!” out their window. it is easy to forget the experience of being outside that metal shell until you are out of it yourself.
but still, with ALL of this, i am glad to be walking. i am glad to take my time, moving from destination to destination as i make my own way on this journey. i am happy to find places to rest, rejuvenate, refuel. i delight in finding those little desire paths, where you can see the foot journeys and often-used shortcuts that people have taken before me.
i am grateful for the chances to meet so many other people walking this path with me. though we may veer off on to different side roads, it is a beautiful experience to meet with someone moving in the same direction as me and walk with them awhile. get to know their stories. smell the roses with them, and share shade under the same trees.
often, my feet ache and i grow weary. i get blisters as i heal my traumas; i feel those spots become raw for awhile, chafing.
carrying the weight of being prepared for inclement weather is heavy. heavy, heavy… but carrying just what i need to keep myself alive for such a long journey is what makes up most of the bulk.
and, god, it’s so much easier to make this journey with children when you have a car.
still, i value the relationships i’m fostering, and i can see that i’m going to be friends with these people for the rest of my life. there is such a beautiful intimacy that develops between people who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable with each other about how hard this is.
we share stories, about what works and what doesn’t. what exhilarates us, and what totally deflates us. we are happy to trade advice for support and vice versa, and i feel totally seen by these folks in ways that i haven’t experienced since i was in school.
just another way life has proven to me that it’s all better when you have folks who want to do this together.
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