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that moment when you realize the person you thought you were doesn’t actually exist. it’s one of the most disorienting experiences in shadow work, and surprisingly, one of the least discussed. you’ve peeled back the layers of who you thought you were, examined the patterns that have shaped your life, and suddenly find yourself in…

you know that moment in shadow work where something clicks? you finally see a pattern that’s been running your life since you were ten years old. you have this massive breakthrough, maybe even cry about it, and feel like everything is going to be different now. and then… you’re stuck. you understand what’s happening, but…

i’ve been told this on more than one occasion, and it always, always confuses me. i see myself as soft, plush, welcoming, and understanding. how can i be intimidating when my arms are almost always open to whatever you’re bringing to the table? you are intimidated, so i am intimidating. does that have to be…

doing big things requires lots of energy, and not just physically. mentally too. and, writing here is important to me. sometimes it feels like outreach, sometimes it feels like a diary. doing this every day helps me recenter. i didn’t make that time for myself, consciously, today. but i did get a lot done. one…

nobody in my household has slept well tonight. no specific reason. each of the kids has been up for different reasons at least once over the course of the night, and after four times of being woken up just as i’d drifted off again, my body has given up on sleeping. it is 5:30am. i…